The Bringland & Brexit Rally

Originally performed in New Harmony, 7-4-16

With Triumph of the Will, The Great Dictator and Dr. Strangelove still misty in the eyes, there is little left but satire to make sense of the new leadership that now confronts America. After sunset on the 4th of July, a farcical rally was held in New Harmony, Indiana (established in 1815, pop 850), a tiny town that has seen three Utopias and the nineteenth century origins of Women’s Rights, Emancipation, and Political Anarchy.

The stage is set in front of a log cabin hidden in the Arcadian wilderness of the Midwest. A flagpole made from a crooked tree is out front, and a Pioneer is lowering the Union Jack, flag of the former British Empire. A ringtone of Rule Britannia sounds on the telephone, that wryly morphs into Dixie.

The newly minted Queen Brexit I of England is on the line, complaining that she has just lost Europe, Scotland and Northern Ireland and wants her loyal British citizens living in America to hijack the country. The Pioneer is taken aback at the enormity of the job, until she declares that she only wants the return of her thirteen former colonies, not the whole country. The new country, calved off from America, will be called Bringland and Queen Brexit has had a flag designed, symbolizing the consolidation of the thirteen colonies into one undivided nation. A royal messenger delivers a red, white and blue flag. It is crisscrossed with diagonal bars, upon which are thirteen stars representing the unification of thirteen American states, ranging from north to south of the Eastern seaboard.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo1 Queen Brexit I designs a new Bringlish flag for the thirteen colonies.

The phone rings with the Andy Griffith theme tune and Bill Hillary is calling, a candidate for President of the new country Bringland. Hillary is looking for the Pioneer’s vote and has sent along a package wrapped in special paper.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo2 Bill Hillary’s gift for the Pioneer

Upon opening it, the Pioneer finds a blue flag (albeit of a different hue to Queen Brexit’s), sporting a white circle with red arrows pointing in four cardinal directions. Hillary’s team has been hard at work designing the flag, as well as a logo to plaster onto just about anything to promote her cause.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo3 Logo designs for Bill Hillary

When asked about the symbolism of the flag, Bill Hillary remarks that the new country will be similar to peace-loving Switzerland, and that the four arrows represent truth.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo4 The Bill Hillary Flag

Before she gets off the line, the Pioneer asks who her running mate will be, to which she replies, "William J. Clinton!"

Against a backdrop of helicopter blades slicing through the air, a new ringtone plays The March of the Valkyries, and Humpty Trump is on the line. Voice booming, he strongly recommends that the Pioneer vote for him in the upcoming election. Humpty Trump demands that the Pioneer take down Bill Hillary’s flag and raise his own.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo5 The Humpty Trump Flag

The screaming-yellow flag has a white circle on it, embroidered with four black T’s forming a pinwheel. When asked about its symbolism, he declares that he designed it himself and there is no symbolism.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo6 a-b Trump designs his logo

Humpty says the golden-yellow background does not symbolize untold riches and the four black pin-wheeling T’s have nothing to do with the Third Reich, and certainly do not allude to himself and his three wives. Furthermore, the rumor that he will introduce convenient parts of Shira Law, to enable multiple marriages for American men, is simply not true. Put at ease with his response, the Pioneer plucks up his courage and ventures to ask a question, “Humpty, your mother was from Scotland, a land of red-headed people with ruddy complexions: could it be that you are a closet Ginger?” Humpty Trump slams down the telephone, and returns to his paternal role of playing wooden blocks on the plaid carpet of the family mansion.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo7 Humpty Trump plays with his wooden blocks

His proud Scotch Mum looks up from her knitting, wistfully recalling the days when her Little Ginger would play with the same wooden blocks a generation ago, dreaming his make-believe dreams.

With the candidates for the Presidency of Bringland having said their pieces, a flurry of volunteers busily wraps up a cornucopia of gifts for the Pioneer to help to secure his vote.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo8 Volunteers wrap gifts for the Pioneer

Stick flags are passed out from both candidates for the assembled to wave, and a wheelbarrow full of gifts follows. From the barrow, he takes out a package wrapped in Hillary paper. In it are sports bras and jogging shorts, with the Bill Hillary logo emblazoned across the front, all in size 4 to 6. Not to be outdone, the aides of Herr Humpty Trump deliver a package of sweats (size XL to XXXL) that have the Humpty logo emblazoned across their fronts.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo9 Humpty Trump and Bill Hillary merchandise

The assembled face off and proudly parades their gimme clothes, waiting for what will happen next.

A Trump aide runs in, bearing a long package in black & white Trump wrapping paper. Its gift tag shows it to be a special present from Humpty Trump for Bill Hillary. Her aide opens it, and finds a menacing black Assault Musket, complete with a Mason jar strapped to its underside, full of .50 caliber lead balls. The brass & wood fitted rifle is an 1830 Hawkin Plains Rifle, now sporting a coat of matte-black paint, instantly turning it from being a heroic relic from yesteryear into a menacing killing machine.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo10 Humpty Trumps gift to Bill Hillary of an 1830’s Hawkin black-powder Assault Musket

In a nasty twist, a National Inquirer 'magazine' is included with the headline "Top Aide exposes Crooked Hillary: CORRUPT!", much to the delight of the Humptys!

Bill Hiillary’s aides saw something like this coming and, not to be outdone, hand the Humpty team another package. It is torn open and reveals a box of Depends, each diaper-for-seniors emblazoned with the Trump logo, up front and center. A wry smile passes across the faces of the Billarites.

With more gifts in hand (think Viagra and Kotex), ammunition at the ready to take the trash-talking to a whole new level, the mood begins to sour between the two opposing camps. To quieten things down, the Pioneer lowers the Trump flag and unpacks an old 1885 Stars & Stripes, only to find that it does not have the right number of stars on it: there are only forty-five. To everyone’s surprise, it spontaneously bursts into flame, and a foreboding voice from heaven declares, "Feel the Burn." At a loss as to what to do next, the phone rings again, this time with a Johnny Comes Marching Home ringtone. P.O.T.U.S. is on the other end.

Acting with gravitas, the sitting President announces that he has had a flag delivered to New Harmony, to fly on this auspicious Day of Independence. The tune Stars & Stripes Forever plays in the background and the new package arrives, enveloped in fine white linen. A brand new Stars & Stripes flag is dutifully unfurled and ceremoniously raised on the flag pole.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo11 Democrats and Republicans unite under one flag

Still waving flags and clad in Humpty Trump and Bill Hillary merchandise, the assembled link arms and gaze up at the real American flag, accompanied by the playing of the Star Spangled Banner. The happy scene reaffirms that we are all Americans, whatever our beliefs and points of view, and are perpetually united under one flag.

Not to be outdone by the plethora of new flags fluttering in the breeze, Queen Brexit’s design team has been hard at work crafting a flag for her new country Britlandia, to supplant the old and out-of-date Union Jack.

Trump Flag, Trump Logo12 Queen Brexit’s design team create a new flag for Britlandia.

The new flag retains England’s blood-red cross of St. George but, with Scotland and Ireland having split Great Britain, St. Andrew’s and St Patrick’s crosses have been summarily dumped. In their place is a jade-green X shaped cross. Is this a nod to William Blake’s epic line, 'In England’s green & pleasant Land' of his timeless poem, Jerusalem? Or has it dawned upon Her Majesty that Islam is now part and parcel of her new dominion and Mohammad’s favorite color deserves its rightful place alongside the ruddy hue of Our Savior?

Done with pondering these complex questions, Queen Brexit beats a hasty retreat from New Harmony. She is seen scurrying across the fields to her Royal Yacht Britannia, moored on the Wabash river, and captained by Boris the Brave. Arms folded and standing erect on the poop deck, Boris furtively glances at the new flag flying astern. As the ship glides downstream, Queen Brexit leans over to the conductor of the Band of HM Royal Marines and whispers, "Play The Rogue's March."

Trump Flag, Trump Logo13 The new Union Pack flag of Britlandia.

Once more, normal is a new normal.